The John Agar Story



  

Written a very long time ago, a very very long time ago, as a segment of George Lockwood's Cal Arts film thesis thingy "Buddies Galore." We were little then. In the first version, set in the Cal Arts sublevel, I attempt to explain the plot of "The Brain from Planet Arous" to a dog. That was clearly no good and so I wrote this "better" version instead. Actually filmed and I can prove it. Nominally directed by me. George and I'm assuming Randy but I can't remember did the hard stuff but it was all just one shot anyway. Music written and played off camera in real time by myself. Talented amateur Mr. Gary Geller took the central role of Gary Geller, blowing us all away with his ability to remember his lines. The part of Hilary Hartman was played with great sensitivity by Ms. Hilary Hartman, who went to school for this stuff. And James Higdon was unusually convincing as himself.

 
 
HILARY'S APT., JUST OUTSIDE THE KITCHEN

Gary Geller.
 

GARY
Hello. My name is Gary Geller. Now I will tell you about the zombies. Do you know the song?

Music.
 

(sings) See him there the zombie warrior! See him there the zombie chief chief chief! (etc.) (spoken) Now you sing it.

Gary sings the song again.
 

Back to the pods, dod. Hoo-doo in Haiti. Ya ya. We're floating along on a zombie holiday. It's a zombie holiday with Gary.
 

HILARY
(off) Gary is a Grand Old Name!

GARY

Hilary Hartman!

Hilary enters.
 

I hear you are married now.

HILARY

Yes, to a very nice boy. We're looking for a refrigerator.

GARY

I'm afraid I can't help you there!

HILARY

No! I suppose not. But, say, Gary, did I just hear you singing the Zombie Song?

GARY

Oh yes! Do you know it?

HILARY

Well, of course I've heard it. But do you know the song about the Martian Holiday?

GARY

The Martian Holiday song! Oh yes! My favorite! Oh would you sing it?

HILARY

Well... for you.
(Sings)
Martian holiday
Could be any day
Just any old day
Just any old day
Can I come?
Yes you can come
Can I bring a friend?
Yes you can bring a friend
On the Martian holiday
On the Martian holiday

Gary takes a glass of water, with a straw blows bubbles as playing a musical instrument, dances around.
 

HILARY
(speaking over vamp) Calling Mars! Calling Mars! Yes can we come? Yes can we come on a holiday? Yes can we come on our holiday? We're not zombies! We'll leave the zombies at home! We're not zombies! We leave the zombies alone!
 

HILARY & GARY
(sing) Martian holiday
Could be any day
Martian holiday
For me and you!

As they finish Jim enters (if Jim isn't available, someone with a Jim sign) with tea tray.
 

JIM
Hello, honey!

HILARY

Oh tea.

JIM

Yes I made you some tea.

GARY

Gee, Jim, that was nice of you.

JIM

Oh it's nothing! But I was thinking... (hesitates)

GARY

Come on! Out with it!

JIM

Well, Gary, you sang the Zombie song and you sang the Song About the Martian Holiday, Hilary. I was just--

HILARY

And you want to sing a song! Well, of course!

JIM

Well, it's one we can all sing. Everybody knows it. The teapot song.

HILARY & GARY

Of course!

Sung simultaneously.
 

GARY
I'm a little tea scout
Short but squat
Here are my handles
This is my snout
When you tip me over
Tea comes out
Ouch! Hot tea!
La La La La

HILARY

I'm a little teacup
Short and tall
Here in the candles
This is the hall
When you tip me over
Tea comes out
La La La La
Pour me out

JIM

I'm a little tea pot
Short and stout
Here is my handle
Here is my snout
When I get all steamed up
Hear me shout
"Tip me over
Pour me out"
 
 

fin


 

turnaround


 
copyright 1976 or 1977 and 2006 by me again Robert Lloyd